Regularly, I see books and blogs regarding what a son needs from his mother, addressing the complexity of male versus female, and how we as mothers can (hopefully) build strong, respectful men of God. And it got me thinking. What about daughters from their dads? I'm sure there are just as many books addressing this exact thing, too, but I don't see it come across my Pinterest feed as often. Perhaps this could be attributed to the possibility that Pinterest is utilized much more often by women than men, thus mothers are posting for themselves. Or perhaps it's deeper. Whatever the reason, I started thinking about it. What does a daughter need from her dad? What will help her grow up to be a self-respecting, loving, selfless, woman of God? Obviously, there is no set equation. But there are definitely some basics that can help. I decided to compose my own, tentative list.
- Tell her you are proud of her every moment you can. If she studies every night and still gets a C, hold up that C with pride at her effort and determination. Whether she earns honorable mention or MVP, a daughter needs to hear (and know) that her father is proud of her, and hear him bragging about her, no matter what, because she is his daughter. **A disclaimer: pride should be in the fact that she is his, not solely in her accomplishments…the goal is not to make her feel she can only earn his love.
- Tell her daily that she is beautiful and loved. A daughter needs to hear it. No hesitation should be given that it might somehow cause her to become arrogant or conceited. Instead, a dad will know it helps her build confidence in herself and to know internally that she is unique, special, and a gift.
- Teach her to trust by being trustworthy. Follow through with your promises. Stand behind your word. Be a man of integrity.
- Teach her God's love by being God's love. Unconditional, whole, and with no exception.
- Respect her mom, her grand mom, her aunt…all of the women in her life. How you treat them, especially her mom and yours, will demonstrate to her how she deserves to be treated. She won't make time for the losers. and when, one day (FAR!) down the road, she finds a spouse, she will beam with pride when she is told she married her dad, because she will know that means she will be treated the way she deserves and she married a man worth bragging about.
- How you talk about other women will not only shape her view about other women, but about herself. If you call them fat, she will believe you view her in the same manner should she put on a few pounds. If you treat them like objects, then don't be surprised if your daughter believes she is one.
- How you talk about your daughter, and what you say to her, will stick with her forever. Call her fat, stupid, ugly, _______ (insert your own name here)-even if only once, out of anger, or teasingly-and she will forever remember that moment and how it made her feel. Worse, she may work her entire life to combat this now self-applied label. Your daughter believes in you, and in everything you tell her-even the bad stuff. So make sure you are filling her only with positive and uplifting words. As the old saying goes, if you can't say something nice….
- Be present. Invest time in her. Show her that she is important by your actions. Attend her recitals, plays, games, concerts - even if deep down you think they are silly or boring (you can admit it…just not to her). Talk to her, and listen to her wants. Let her confide in you - and keep that confidential. Take her out on dates (or spend time in), just you and her. Play house or barbies or trucks or sports or whatever she wants. Learn her love language, and show her love in a way that speaks only to her.
- Don't ever make her feel guilty or responsible for your decisions. Whether it's money, relationships, lifestyles, whatever, they are your choices, not hers. Take responsibility for your actions.
- Say "I'm sorry". Admit you're wrong. It will show her that it's not only okay to make mistakes, but that even adults can be wrong and apologize.
- Take her to church. Teach her the Word. Teach her what the Bible says about love, hate, ourselves, others, judgment, acceptance, etc. Build a strong foundation for her future endeavors.
This is only the beginning. Just a tentative start. If you are reading this, what things would you add?
