Finding Peace in the Struggle

"We've all fallen, and we have the skinned knees and bruised hearts to prove it. But scars are easier to talk about than they are to show, with all the remembered feelings laid bare. And rarely do we see wounds that are in the process of healing. I'm not sure if it's because we feel too much shame to let anyone see a process as intimate as overcoming hurt, or if it's because even when we muster the courage to share our still-complete healing, people reflexively look away. 
We much prefer stories about falling and rising to be inspirational and sanitized. Our culture is rife with these tales. In a thirty-minute speech, there's normally thirty seconds dedicated to 'And I fought my way back,' or 'And then I met someone new,'... We like recovery stories to move quickly through the dark so we can get tot he sweeping redemptive ending."
                                                                                                                Brene Brown, "Rising Strong"

What is it that makes us so uncomfortable with being real and genuine? So many people think they have close relationships with others, that they have meaningful and tight-knit friendships. I don't know about you, but I have to be honest. If we haven't been REAL with each other. If we haven't had a deep talk. If I haven't felt comfortable sharing my past with you. Well...if I haven't or can't, we aren't close.

But we all do it. We all feel this need to wrap things up in a pretty bow. To give a happy ending to our struggle or difficulty. We don't want to admit when we are having a hard time or when something is confusing or when we just simply do not know the answer. There's a vulnerability to that, I suppose, and many of us know it additionally brings a risk, either to our reputation, our job, or our relationship. We have learned over and over that the outcome is not worth the risk, and have just decided to keep it to ourselves or a select few.

But what would happen if we did things differently? What would happen if EVERYONE decided to share and involve others in their struggles? If we let others be a part of them? I know I'm speaking idealistically, trust me. I am well aware what some would do with the information. And that's EXACTLY why it is so disturbing.

We ALL struggle!!!

But God...

What are you letting God do in the struggle? How are you letting Him shine? Are you allowing Him to work in you...THROUGH you...to really let the work begin and let the struggle be a testament to His glory?

Am I?

No wonder people aren't comfortable in those moments where the happy-ending has yet to occur. We aren't comfortable with ourselves in those moments. So perhaps that's where we need to start. Opening ourselves up, and letting ourselves have vulnerability when we're struggling. Whether it's to say, I need some help, I need a prayer, I need ______...we need to start by being the examples and setting the tone that it's OKAY to be in a struggle.  We gotta start with us, and just hope that if we show we are comfortable with ourselves in our own times of difficulty, that others will begin to be comfortable, too.

Following Love Back to the Start

It's a rare evening, as I sit here, processing, after some quiet reading time.

You see, at just over halfway through my third pregnancy, I have developed what I have decided to term, "pregnancy-induced narcolepsy" (yes, I've made this up. I'm qualified :) ). In putting my 3yo to bed, I, too, often find myself sleeping with her for an hour or more, then summoning just enough strength to drag my drooping body to my own bed, leaving little time for cleaning up, prepping, washing, or, well, anything.

But tonight as I found my mind racing and my body ready to go, I decided to read. I've begun reading, "Rising Strong" by Brene Brown, and I can already see why my play therapy instructor is in love. I found myself getting a strong urge to write, something I haven't done in quite some time. Realizing my journal was hidden away in the forbidden place (i.e., my bedroom while my husband is sleeping), I recalled starting a blog quite some time ago. At first, that continued to halt my desire, as I wanted to be able to journal. You know, NOT be vulnerable to an audience of people. Then I remembered I have no followers. HA!

And, of course, for any of you who have read this book (or even just the introduction), you will also know that Brene talks about being VULNERABLE. Well, crap.

So I have to admit, tonight I have nothing of importance to say. I could follow one of the multiple branches my mind has been traveling during the last hour/day/week/month/trimester, but who's to say which is best?

Me. I am saying it is most definitely best I don't try to choose that at the moment.

So, for tonight, I'm just saying I'm back. I'm back to writing. To reading. To exploring. Because when you feel stuck and anxious and distracted and overwhelmed, it truly is best to get back to the basics. And I've realized in the MULTIPLE times that the question, "what are your coping skills?" has come up, that while I have them, I don't use them (yep, even therapists don't always follow their own advice!) And now, more than ever, I NEED to use them.

So, whether the world is ready for me or not, here I am. Just me, remembering why I started this blog to begin with. To follow love. To find my passion. To express my heart. To just be me, and to hopefully find some lifers who want to come along for the ride.